The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating

As I read my blog I noticed that I talk about dating in almost all of my entries.  You would think that with all of this talk about meeting a new partner, I would be an expert dater.  Not so.  As a matter of fact I would be the worst person to ask for advice.

I have to say that I am good at getting myself out there.  I have joined three dating sites.  Two are free, and one I pay for.  Not sure why I thought paying for a site would get me better results, because it just isn’t true.  As I look through these sites, I am seeing many of the same men, just like they are probably seeing me, and frankly, the free sites are giving me a much better return on my investment of the time I put in.

As I was saying, I am good at marketing myself, and at keeping an open mind.  I try not to judge anyone by their photos because we don’t all look great in a photo.  I know that it took me forever to decide what photograph I was going to use.  They suggest that you have a head shot.  Yeah right, I don’t want anyone looking too closely at me.  They also suggest that you use a full body shot.  So now I have to find a photo where my body looks good for a 59 year old, not an easy feat, and last but not least, the photos should be current.

I have heard that many people are not posting current photos.  I really don’t understand this considering a meeting could potentially take place.  Isn’t that why we are on these sites in the first place?  How could we ever explain that we are 20 pounds heavier than our photo, and, oh yeah, we are 10 years older.  This is no joke.  One man who I met told me that he planned a date to meet a woman, and when he walked into the restaurant there was an old lady waiting for him.  I would die if that happened to me.  I wouldn’t know what to do.  He told me that he went right up to her and said that she misrepresented herself, and that he was leaving.  I laughed when he told me this story for two reasons.  One, I found the whole scenerio quite funny, and two, this guy misrepresented himself to me, at least that is how I felt about it.

Me and this guy had been talking on the phone and texting for about two weeks.  He sounded so amazing.  Great sense of humour, wonderful attitude, and he wasn’t bad looking from the photos that I had seen of him.  He did tell me that he was married twice, and that he had kids from both marriages.  That didn’t sound very appealing to me, but I thought, I am going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt.  The one thing he neglected to tell me was that he had no teeth!  Well I shouldn’t say no teeth, he did have three or four bottom teeth that weren’t in the best shape.

We planned on meeting at a restaurant for dinner.  I usually don’t do that just in case we don’t hit it off, but because we had been talking for two weeks, I felt it would be ok.  When he walked up I noticed that something didn’t look right with his mouth.  My first thought was that he had just been to the dentist and was still frozen.  Then when we sat down and began to talk, I noticed that he kept putting his hand up to block my vision of his mouth.  Well he didn’t do a very good job because I didn’t see any top teeth what so ever.  Believe me, I was doing my best to look, but I couldn’t see anything.  That was the deal breaker.  I am not sure why he even asked me to meet him in the first place.  Who goes out to meet someone for the first time without teeth?  I felt bad for him because I am sure he was totally self conscious, but I think he should have told me about his teeth. This is why I feel he misrepresented himself.  Now I feel the urge to ask any potential date if they see their dentist on a regular basis.

I have been quite lucky though.  Most of the men who I have met so far have been very nice, and a few of them I would have given a second chance, except that I make one very big mistake.  I have a very bad habit of explaining my “rules”.  Yes I have rules.  Don’t call me too often, don’t come on too strong, I will run the other way if you pursue me….stuff like that.  I have no idea why I make a point of discussing these rules on a first date.  It’s not as if these guys have had a enough time to really get to know me.  For all I know they may have absolutely no interest in me at all.  Can you imagine how ridiculous I must sound?  These men must think that I am some kind of a nut.

I have a new rule now.  I will never discuss my rules on a first or second date again.  I will wait to see if the gentleman and I connect with each other before I go running off at the mouth.  I thought about why I make these poor soles listen to my rules, and I think it is just my way of telling these men that I need time to get to know a person, and that I can’t jump into a relationship before becoming friends.  I don’t think I am being unreasonable, my problem is, I shouldn’t be bringing it up the minute I meet someone.  I am so out of practice.

That is why I don’t consider myself a good dater as yet.  I am great at contacting men on these sites.  I am not shy and I don’t “cherry pick”.  If they sound nice, I send them a message.  So I am good at the contact stage, I just have to learn how to close the deal.