All of the important people in my life know that I am dating. Everyone has been so supportive, understanding and totally encouraging. Everyone is on my side when it comes to moving forward with my life. So then, with all of that support, why do I worry about certain things?
For example, my sister found some words of wisdom that she thought I might like. She was right. I got excited, and decided that I wanted to share those words on my Facebook page, but just as I was getting ready to post, something inside me made me stop. I felt uncomfortable and guilty because, in my mind, I thought it would look like I had decided to forget everything that I had with my husband. What would people think? What kind of a heartless person am I? All of these thoughts were running through my head all because of some lovely inspirational words. Here is the posting:
I think that these words make sense. I don’t understand why I was so uncomfortable to post this for everyone to see. Although everyone will see it now.
What is the matter with a woman who is so preoccupied with conjuring things up in her head about what other people might be thinking? It is not a crime to pick up the pieces of my life and try to find love and happiness again. Then I think, is 17 months, after the death of the love of my life, too soon to be out there? Why do I do this to myself? I know that what I am doing is right, so how can I be feeling it is wrong? I am an oxymoron.
I had a wonderful and loving marriage. I know the joy of sharing my life with someone who I trusted, loved and respected. I want that again. That does not mean I am looking for another Rob. There will never be another Rob. I am looking for a new person, a new life, a new love. This is right. This is good.
Now all I have to do is convince myself that those words of wisdom that I posted here do not mean that I am forgetting the love that I had with Rob, those words mean, that if I continue to hang onto the past, I won’t be able to have a future. So true.
It’s interesting that I don’t have a problem dating, I just have a problem worrying about how I think others are perceiving my life. Like I don’t have enough to worry about already. OMG, I must love worrying…it’s a Jewish thing. We love to worry.
Ok, so here’s my plan. I am going to do whatever I feel comfortable doing. I am going to put my feelings first when it comes to starting a new life. I am going to post whatever I want especially if it makes me feel good. Yes, I feel empowered. I am glad that I vented here on my blog. I have renewed strength.
I only hope that nobody thinks I am moving too fast…..OMG!