What are you supposed to to when you finally meet someone who seems to be very kind, sensitive, understanding almost like a dream come true, then he drops a bombshell on you….he has cancer?
This is what has happened to me. As you know, because I have been blogging about it almost since day one, I have been doing the dating site thing for 5 months. I have spoken to some very nice men, and have met a few as well. For some reason, I just haven’t found anybody who I would like to forge, at the very least, a friendship with…(well that is not totally true, there is David, but I will get to him later). Then approximately three weeks ago, along came “J”. He didn’t actully come along, I contacted him after reading his profile on my dating site. He sounded so sweet, and he was brave enough to admit he was a little shy. That was what made me want to contact him. I like a man who is not too macho, (I hate that word), to post in his profile that he is shy. Most men love to boast about how out going they are, and that they are the life of the party. Some even go on to talk about how handsome they are. I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so they must be looking in the mirror a awful lot. Anyway, “J” sounded like someone I wanted to meet.
My instincts were right. He responded to my message quite quickly, and the first thing I noticed was that he wrote very well. Grammar was quite good, and no spellling mistakes…I know, I know, I shouldn’t be judging people, this isn’t my classroom. Anyway, we started an email friendship and then finally a phone call. We ended up talking for two hours and I realized that we had a lot in common. We both loved gardening, we both had wonderful relationships with our kids, and we both lost our partners. I had no idea that he lost his partner because his profile stated that he was divorced. He explained that he had been dating a woman for 8 months. She became ill and passed away, so I realized that he truly could understand the concept of grieving. This is great! What? How could I think such a thing? This is great that he lost someone who he loved? Had I lost my mind? No, I was just feeling relief and kind of happy that I met someone who could totally understand exactly what I went through, and how I was feeling. I didn’t have to explain anything to him, he just knew.
“J” was a pleasure to talk to, and I was starting to think that I may have met a man who I would like to, first become friends with, and then see where it takes us. During one of our conversations, he mentioned that he was going into the city for the day to an appointment. I don’t know why, but my radar, or was it woman’s intuition, whatever it was, it was going off like a siren. I got flashbacks of taking my husband downtown to the hospital when he received his diagnosis, but why should that have anything to do with “J’s” appointment? I finally had to ask him what kind of appointment he was going to, hoping he would say it was business. Obviously if he had wanted me to know what he was doing, he would have told me. I guess he didn’t think I would be that nosey, and now he had no choice but to spills the beans about his little excursion. I practically demanded to know why he was going into the city. It was for a doctor’s appointment. My heart was beating so hard and he hadn’t even told me his story yet.
He was diagnosed with prostate cancer 5 years ago. He had his prostate removed, and had been cancer free ever since. This was just his yearly follow up, and he wasn’t the least bit concerned. I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck….the Jewish in me, or was it just deja vu? Unfortunately it was deja vu because he didn’t get the news that he was confident he was going to hear. This time his PSA numbers were very high which he explained meant that his cancer may have returned. The doctor told him that he would need a cat scan and a bone scan to determine if the cancer was back.
I felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare, only I was wide awake. I knew I had only one option…stay away from this guy!